Many women have come to me over the years feeling frustrated that they were not getting pregnant. They’d say, “I want a child,” and they wanted it now. We live in a society where we can get anything our heart desires and, very often, we can get it instantly. We can make the impossible possible.
When planning for a child, things don’t work by just pressing a button – and they certainly don’t always work instantly.
A lot of women today are prioritizing their careers before deciding to go into motherhood after their thirties. There is, of course, absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, it is essential that we give ourselves the right time and space for deciding on motherhood and allow ourselves to ask critical questions along the way.
I once asked a woman, “Why do you want to be a mother and what kind of mother do you want to be?” and “Are you healthy enough at this moment to carry another human being inside you for nine months?” The woman looked at me with a puzzled expression. She answered my first question, “Because that’s the next step; you get married and then you get a child.” But is this a good enough reason or it is social conditioning carried from generation to generation?
I sent the woman back to her husband to discuss these two questions, write down all their thoughts on Post-Its, and stick them all over their bedroom. She returned a week later with a list of reasons that were very different and much more thought-out. This was the beginning of their real fertility journey and, six months later, they conceived. Throughout the journey, we worked with different techniques and methodologies to create a “Fertile Ground”, based on Dr. Klinghardt’s five levels of healing – The Physical Body, The Energetic Body, The Mental Body, The Intuitive Body, and The Spiritual Body, which I will explain to you later in this article.
When planning for a child, things don’t work by just pressing a button – and they certainly don’t always work instantly. We need time to properly plan and to make sure we are healthy enough to carry another being inside our body for nine months.
According to the World Health Organization, infertility is estimated to affect as many as 186 million people worldwide. Although male infertility contributes to more than half of all cases globally, it remains often a woman’s social burden. Even fertile couples who don’t have any fertility problems only have a 20 percent chance of getting pregnant in any given month.
You can’t bring life into the world when you’re fighting fear.
So what does it mean to be infertile in the first place? Infertility means not being able to get pregnant after one year of trying (or six months if a woman is 35 or older). Women who can get pregnant but are unable to stay pregnant may also be deemed infertile.
A woman is most fertile in her early 20s. The chances of getting pregnant drop greatly after the age of 35 (and especially after the age of 40). However, the age when fertility starts to decline varies from woman to woman and each case needs to be looked at separately
About 15 to 20 percent of cases of infertility diagnosed today are unexplained or idiopathic, meaning that there is no physical reason or indication for not becoming pregnant. So what is the reason for this?
Fertility is not a problem to be rectified. We are human beings, each with a different constitution and need. We often get lost in the ocean of information available on the subject and fear that there may be something wrong with us or that we are doing something wrong in the process. We can’t be in a fear-based relationship with fertility, since this congests our flow and clouds our mind. You can’t bring life into the world when you’re fighting fear. When I work with any woman or couples around infertility, we work on creating a fertile ground and not on getting pregnant. A seed will not grow if you plant it in a polluted, malnourished soil.
Questions to Ask Yourself
Before we start walking through the system, grab a pen and a paper and write down the following questions. These are all considerations that need to be answered and taken into account if your plan is to get pregnant.
Why do you want to be a mother/parent?
What kind of mother/parent would you really like to be?
Are you healthy enough at this moment to carry a being inside of you to term?
What have you done so far in your journey to become pregnant?
Now, let’s begin.
Level 1: The Physical Body
It’s important to emphasize that I assume you have done all the necessary tests for you and your partner and that, at this stage, you know that there are no physical barriers keeping you from getting pregnant.
As I mentioned earlier, the aim here is not to become pregnant but to create a fertile ground in which a healthy seed can be planted and grow. For this, it is essential to have an appropriate alkaline balance. Many of us have bodies that are far too acidic as a result of poor nutrition, insufficient water consumption, and a generally unbalanced diet.
A fertile ground means that we need to clean from the inside out. Consider a detox; not just for your body but also for the space in which you live. De-clutter your closets and your kitchen cabinets and seriously look at what kind of food you are storing in the house. Are you reading the labels on the foods you are eating? When it comes to your clothes, how much synthetic material is hanging in your closet? What kind of makeup and skin products are you using?
Ask yourself what three things you are willing to let go of, change, or eliminate that will help create a healthy fertile ground.
Level 2: The Energetic Body
Working on this second level means working on your energy. The energetic body is about vibration. Each of the cells in our body has a certain vibration that is essential to keep us alive. All living things have a vibration and, the more we connect with nature, the more we get in tune with this vibration of Mother Earth, and the easier it is for us to tune into our own body.
One of the simplest and most healing things to do is grounding. Simply take your shoes off and walk barefoot in the sand or the ocean.
Also, ask yourself the following questions:
What are you doing that is lowering your vibration?
What are you doing that increases your vibration?
Did you know that your electronic devices have a significant effect on your health?
What are you doing to protect yourself against that?
Another thing that can be very helpful when we work on this level is chanting. If you don’t chant, which most people don’t, then singing is very powerful. Even saying prayers out loud can be very beneficial.
‘Osho Dynamic Meditation’, which I offer at Life’n One on Monday mornings, is a meditation to help us get rid of our suppressed emotions, like anger, frustration, and sadness. Often, letting go of emotions that no longer belong to you can have a tremendously positive effect on your energetic body, as well as your physical body.
Level 3: The Mental Body
Limiting belief systems can affect our capacity to manifest and reproduce. But how do you work with a force that hasn’t occurred yet, like pregnancy?
Until the 1960s, when you asked a woman how many children she wanted to have, her answer would be something like, “God knows.” You ask a woman the same question today and most of them will tell you how many, what sex, and when they want them. Much of our modern society and culture is based on rational thought. It’s not a bad thing, but sometimes it can limit our capacity to understand factors that are outside of our mental comprehension instead of allowing things to happen naturally and trusting the process of life.
Many couples also juggle busy schedules and are strongly engaged in their careers, family commitments, friends, and activities and have little time left for themselves to look at more natural ways of doing things.
So, lean back in your chair, close your eyes, ask yourself the following questions, and answer as honestly as you can possibly can – also allowing the first answer that comes to you to be that of truth:
On a scale from 0 to 10, how much are you concentrating on being infertile?
On a scale from 0 to 10, how much are you focusing on creating a fertile ground?
What do you want?
What do you believe?
What are your inner conflicts?
Who would you be if you didn’t have this fear?
Who would you be if you stopped trying?
Level 4: The Intuitive Body
People often treat fertility as a problem to be rectified. Our bodies are not a problem to be fixed, but any symptoms are opportunities to take a deeper look at what’s going on internally. This is not to say there is anything wrong with you or that you are doing something wrong, but rather it’s important to understand that there are many facets to why things happen as they do. We often are in a fear-based relationship with fertility and you can’t bring life into the world when fighting fear. Fear lowers our vibration and blocks our natural flow. It could also be that part of the fear that we are carrying doesn’t belong to us.
When working with the intuitive body, we take a look over our shoulders to get an understanding of who is standing behind us. We reconnect with our ancestors to re-establish the flow of love within our families. The laws that govern this level are the rules and orders of Bert Hellinger’s ‘Systemic Family Therapy’; in a family, every member has an even right to belong. If someone denies this right to one of the members, another member will try to balance the family by excluding him/herself.
Now close your eyes again, look over your shoulders to see your family standing behind you, and ask yourself as honestly as possible the following questions:
Was there anyone who was excluded and, if so, who was this person and why?
When you look at your mother, how is that for you?
How was your mother’s relationship with her mother?
What kind of mother do you want to be? Is there a fear that you might become like your mother?
Was there anyone in your family that had difficulties conceiving?
What relationship do you need to heal in your ancestral lineage to be able to step into your true power?
These are just some of the questions that are asked and answered when looking at the family system.
Level 5: The Spiritual Body
This is your level. On the spiritual level, no one can give you any solutions. However, if a resolution of the physical problem has taken place, a great start would be to turn inwards and upwards with an attitude of gratefulness.
Even if you don’t become pregnant after following the advice in this article or trying other things, an appropriate concluding work on this level is to do something “good” with the newly gained understanding, hope, vitality, and possible clarity that comes from each step along the way towards a fertile ground.
Praying and meditation belong on this level, and simply incorporating these into your life may be enough, but it may also not.
For me, being spiritual means sharing – and doing good for me is to share your knowledge, energy, and love with others.
May-Britt Searly has been working in the field of holistic health and personal development for 25 years. She has a background and is certified in Cranio Sacral Therapy, ICF and ILM Life Coach, Naturopathy, 3in1 Kinesiology, Family Constellation, Personality Consulting, and Yoga.