How to Tap Into Your Charisma – Even on Days When You Want to Hibernate

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As women, we should be celebrating female charisma as a blessing and a gift. We should learn to allow it to radiate proudly, rather than hiding it and keeping it small and unseen. As women, each and every one of us is blessed with beauty. We may not feel that so much as our lives unfold; we often become overwhelmed by the responsibilities of daily life, as mothers, professionals, homemakers, and as we age and youth fades. However, beauty is always available and present. We just have to want to see it, express it, and feel it. Yes, some days that may require some effort, but that will be rewarded as energy.

Remember that this is not about being superficial.

Loving yourself includes loving your soul, and if we love ourselves and live a life that is nourishing to our souls, beauty will radiate. We can foster charisma by living a soulful life, asking that which is greater than we are, “How can I be of service today?”

So what does that look like pragmatically? How can we do that in a day-to-day way, as mothers, professionals, or homemakers? Start by sourcing energy from your own beauty and the beauty that surrounds you. Get a manicure or a massage, have a soak in the tub, lay out nice clothes, take time to put on nice creams, and do your hair. Take pride in your care for yourself and your grooming, not in the way of being shallow or narcissistic (which will not exude charisma, but will actually diminish it), but in the way of simply attending to self-care. It may seem hard with small children who won’t leave you alone long enough to shower, but we do the best we can.

Try to carve out time for yourself, but if you can’t, know that even the smallest of actions can have an impact on how you feel about yourself. For example, a spritz of fragrance is a quick addition that will last through the day to help a woman stay connected to her femininity.

Remember that this is not about being superficial; it’s not about trying to look good for those around you. It’s about looking good for yourself, showing yourself attention, love, and kindness, and allowing yourself to feel good and to feel beautiful. Only when you take care of yourself and practice this self-love can you then take care of those around you and be present for them.

Stacey Shelby, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, and depth psychotherapist. Her 2018 book: Tracking the Wild Woman Archetype: A Guide to Becoming a Whole In-divisible Woman is available on

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